“A positive attitude is something everyone can work on, and everyone can learn how to employ it.” – Joan Lunden

In March, I lost my job on the very day that my Mom’s health took a turn for the worse. She passed away two weeks later. A friend asked why I’m not bitter about this. Why aren’t I feeling sorry for myself?

The truth is that I did have moments when I felt sorry for myself. I had been very dedicated to my job at a nonprofit organization. Although I worked more than 30 hours a week, management decided that my position needed to be full-time. I was unable to work more hours, and I was terminated. After my Mom died, I was in shock for a couple months. Two big life changes had occurred, and I had difficulty making the transition.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/epsos/4368469913/sizes/z/in/photostream/

However, I see God’s hand at work in what happened. Losing my job enabled me to be with my Mom for her last 15 days at the hospital and hospice. This was a gift to both of us. She could not breathe well, and she was scared. It was comforting for her to have a family member with her, and being with her throughout her illness helped me talk to the doctors knowledgably and to honor her wishes about her care.

The way things happened also enabled me to leave my job with no regrets. If I were still employed, I would have been terribly conflicted about leaving work to care for my Mom. I could not have stayed most nights with her as I did. Knowing that I was able to be there for my Mom made me see that God’s timing is perfect.

I had choices in how to view my two life changes:

• “Poor me, I got terminated” versus “Lucky me, I had the opportunity to share my Mom’s dying moments. And now I have the time to explore my dream job of being a writer.”
• “My Mom passed away. That’s heartbreaking and unfair.” versus “I am sad but it was her time, she was ready, and she was released from her pain.”

By looking at these situations through the eyes of faith and gratitude, I see that God was looking out for me.

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Have you faced a difficult situation? Do you have a choice of how to think about it? Please share your thoughts in the Comments below.

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“Let go of your baggage so you can see how far you can fly.” – Ann

Ann, Brian, Ellen, and Mark at Ellen’s wedding rehearsal, May 2010

Ann is one of my role models. She exercises, eats healthy food, takes steps to improve herself, and enjoys hiking in mountains. But she wasn’t always this way. At one time, Ann was thirty five pounds heavier and struggled with bulimia.

Ann was the oldest child in a family of 10 children. After she married Mark, the couple faced several challenges within a few years including struggles with infertility and two miscarriages. “It was a different era. If you had a miscarriage, no one sent a card or called you.”

Besides this, Mark’s parents both died from cancer, and her mother had a diagnosis of terminal cancer. These traumas all contributed to Ann’s overeating and weight gain.

When her daughter, Ellen, was three months old, Ann took a fitness class at Hinsdale Hospital. “I was overweight. I couldn’t walk around the parking lot—a quarter mile distance. It was cold. I was depressed.” This made Ann want to get in better shape and she played tennis and took up jogging. “My husband helped me get back into it. Side by side, encouraging me.”

Brian was born three years after Ellen, and when he was almost three years old, Ann had to return to work full-time because her husband was starting his own business.  “I was very grateful to have my children—and I still feel that way. Working full-time wasn’t my intention and it was hard.”

Ann was almost 40 when her mother passed away. “I felt the loss very keenly. Most of my friends hadn’t lost their parents so they didn’t understand. My siblings were younger than me so I felt I had to support them. My youngest sibling was 16 years old. We all grieved together.”

Ann struggled with bulimia and tried to lose weight for many years. “The real key came when I was at a very low point. I was let go from a job that I loved. I had dabbled in many diets and Overeaters Anonymous, but what helped the most was pulling out a ‘12-step’ book.  I read and followed the program on my own. It was a spiritual and emotional approach to weight loss.” Affirmations helped, too. Ann repeated, “I am strong,” “I can do this,” “God loves me,” and “Don’t be scared.”

Ann and Mark in 2006

Ann had to learn how to comfort herself. “I had to find a way to handle anxiety without eating.  How can you comfort yourself besides with food? I’ve always exercised but I had to eat differently. I had to eat less.” Ann learned to drink a cup of tea for comfort and to fill up with vegetables and fruits. “Then if I did have anxiety, I wasn’t hungry.” Ann considers herself lucky because Mark does the shopping and washes the vegetables. “I put them in a container and bring them to work. It becomes a habit. 80% of the time I reach for vegetables rather than chocolate.”

She also started keeping a Gratitude Journal. “This turned my life around. Think of all you are grateful for and all that you do have when you’re feeling empty from losing a job or whatever.” Other ways that Ann self-comforts are to read, exercise, and to keep up on current thinking about the body and spirit. She recommends these books:

• A Course in Weight Loss: 21 Spiritual Lessons for Surrendering Your Weight Forever, by Marianne Williamson
• Self-Compassion by Dr. Kristin Neff
• The Courage Quotient: How Science Can Make You Braver by Robert Biswas-Diener
• The Icarus Deception: How High Will You Fly? by Seth Godin

Ann also watched how people she admired take care of themselves. “I watched how they do portion control. They allow themselves a treat. It was OK to have one cookie.”

Other challenges were when Ann’s brother died at age 53 of colon cancer, and a cousin died at age 50 of complications from diabetes. “Being with them on their journeys was hard, but I did it. I felt sick to my stomach driving to Grand Rapids to be with my brother. I drank tea and listened to music. After they died, it inched me forward to take more risks. I realized my life will be over too. Their gift to me was the reminder—if we’re willing to listen, that life is a gift.”

Ann has always worked in the nonprofit world including serving as the Executive Director for nonprofits. Currently she works for an organization that serves the elderly. “We had a Valentine’s Day party. To see an elder who has not been able to get out of her home—and she’s bald due to chemo—to see her dance is a beautiful sight.”

When asked if she sees herself as a leader, Ann answers “I don’t see myself as a leader in a grandiose way. I lead in small ways.” Besides her leadership at work, Ann leads a small group of women who discuss spiritual books at her church.

“I try to have reachable goals. If you have goals you can’t reach, you constantly feel ‘less than’.  There is pain in letting go of grandiose ideas but I feel good about what I can do.”

Ann is now 63 and didn’t expect to reach this age. “I’m older than my Mom was when she died, and much older than my Dad. It’s strange. I feel grateful, especially because I’m healthy. My Mom reached age 62, but she wasn’t healthy.”

“A big part of my life is relationships—supporting my brothers and sisters, friends, nieces, and nephews. By support, I mean that I talk to them once a week. I’m close to all my brothers and sisters.”

Ann speed walks three days a week, does the Daily Method three times a week, and does yoga two times a week. “I do better if I have to show up on time for a class. Being with a group helps with long walks, too.” She recently did two 10-mile walks and has a 13 mile walk coming up.

When asked if she considers herself fit, Ann says, “Not really. I think of fitness as where I want to go. It’s a process. I set small goals—for example, to do more men’s pushups.” However, Ann has exercised for about 20 years. She finds role models in fit women who are older than herself. “I walk with a woman every Saturday who is ten years older than me and she leaves me in the dust! She has been a gift to me. She has a spunky, ‘can do’ attitude.”

Last summer, Ann and Mark went hiking in the mountains in Utah. The most strenuous day was 5 hours of hiking with a 2100 foot elevation in Zion National Park. She and Mark hope to go mountain hiking in Colorado this summer.

“I want to see where I can go physically, given my age. How much can I walk? Can I climb mountains?  If I still had that weight, it would be giving up. I freed myself by getting rid of that excess baggage. In some of my exercises, my hands are back, and it’s almost like flying. Let go of your baggage and see how far you can fly. And celebrate when you take a risk.”

Ann is careful with the risks she takes. “I have my comfort zone, and I think ‘What is a way I can try something new?’ The first time she walked with a hiking group in a forest preserve, Ann made sure it was a forest preserve she was familiar with, she brought a cell phone, and she asked Mark to be on call.

“Life is a personal journey. It’s a personal adventure. You don’t know the end goal but you’re on that journey.”

When asked how it is that she is always striving to grow, Ann responds, “I have no idea, but I watch no TV except for Downton Abbey and maybe a movie once a week. I’m a doer and a reader.”

When asked if she has advice for others, Ann quotes Winston Churchill, “Never, never, never give up.”

After all that she has accomplished, Ann is most proud of working hard on a good marriage and raising her children in the best way that she could.

* * * *

Ann’s Favorite Quotes

• “Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism; the way you play it is free will.” – Jawaharlal Nehru
• “Only a heart familiar with death will appreciate the gift of life with so deep a feeling of joy.” – David Steindl-Rast
• “There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in. – by Leonard Cohen
• “At any given moment, you have the power to say: This is not how the story is going to end.” – Christine Mason Miller
• “He allowed himself to be swayed by his conviction that human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, but that life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves.” – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
• If your Nerve, deny you—Go above your Nerve” – Emily Dickinson

* * * *

What baggage can you let go of? What is your next adventure? Please share your thoughts in the comments below.

“We don’t need to share the same opinions as others, but we need to be respectful.”
– Taylor Swift

I recently contributed a small piece to the book #Sisterhood Connection: A Year of Empowerment. It is ironic that my copy of the book arrived this past week. Why do I say ironic? The phrase “Sisterhood Connection” is certainly in line with my Women Making Strides theme. However, there is currently a great deal of discord between women in the United States and in other parts of the world.

We are not discussing political issues here. What we are doing is looking at our own behaviors and thinking about our connections with other women.

My friend Rachell Kitchen (right) and I both contributed to this book.

I hesitate to list the comments between women that I’ve seen and heard recently. This blog is meant to be encouraging and gentle and the words I’ve heard lately have been anything but gentle. There has been much inflammatory language including name calling, insults, and swearing. There has been demonizing of entire groups of people. We forget these are our friends, neighbors, mothers, and daughters.

I used to think maybe someday Women Making Strides could form groups of women walking and talking about topics like gratitude and facing challenges. I once belonged to such a group. It was a small group, and it included gay women, straight women, liberals, and conservatives. We got along just fine. I also thought perhaps I could change the Women Making Strides Facebook page to be more interactive, so we could have discussions online.

Given the recent turmoil, I wonder if such ideas were foolish. Facebook, for example, is no longer necessarily a pleasant place. Many of us are in reactive mode. We are stressed: we don’t understand how others can feel so differently than we do. We worry about what might happen, and we react to the latest news immediately. We speak out, perhaps too hastily.

The political unrest and the discord between women disturbs me so much I can’t sleep many nights. It isn’t healthy to be so upset and I try to stay off of social media in the evening. We need to take good care of ourselves during what is a traumatic time for many of us. Regretfully, self-care may include staying away from people who are consistently confrontational. We need some relief.

Some women, including me, need to express our opinions, especially when we see things we think are wrong. I have the right to speak out, as do you. However, we need to do this without inflammatory language, and we need to pick the right venue for expressing ourselves. Some women exercise their right to assemble peacefully. We can also speak out by calling or emailing government officials. Or we can join groups or make donations to support the causes we feel most strongly about. We can keep positive and pray. These are more empowering and productive than getting caught up in dramas, which I admit I’ve done.

There are signs of hope. I belong to a running club that is largely women, and most of the time we stay off the subject of politics. We talk instead about our families, how our running is going, fitness, etc. However, I have had discussions about politics while running one-on-one with women in the group whose political views differ from mine. I feel we listened to each other with mutual respect. We didn’t change each other’s opinions, but we understood each other better.

I also belong to a women’s meetup group where we socialize and get together to discuss self-improvement books. We met first as strangers, and now we meet as friends. We have common interests that draw us together despite our differences, and we often laugh together.

All of us come from different backgrounds. Can we respect our differences and try to understand each other? Can we stay connected with our “sisters”?

How do you take care of yourself during stressful times? How do you deal with people whose opinions differ from yours?

“What if you began to expect the best from any situation? Isn’t it possible that you could write new chapters in your life with happy endings? Suspend your disbelief? Take a leap of faith? After all, what have you got to lose but misery and lack?” – Sarah Ban Breathnach

At a recent weight-management meeting, members discussed how they successfully eat pizza. I had eaten pizza the previous day, but not successfully. I ate until I was full, then a fresh cheese pizza arrived, and I ate more. What was I thinking? I kept my eyes down and berated myself.

After the meeting, a friendly woman told me she’d read my blog for the first time and thought it was gentle and encouraging. She mentioned a recent post, in which I said, “Take baby steps. If you can only walk a block, do that. Next time, walk a little farther.”

I felt better after talking with her and thought, “What if I were as gentle to myself as I am to others?”

I’m taking an online class and one assignment was to take a picture of some chaos in our lives, then look for inspiration in it. I took a picture of the mess on my counter and in my side pantry, and commented “Not much about this is inspiring.” But the instructor wrote: “To me what’s inspiring is the potential in the cookbooks, maybe even some of the stories that go along with them. The counter top shows life in motion and that’s inspiring.”

This reminded me again that I could be nicer to myself. I sat down with a cup of tea and looked again for inspiration among my chaos. My counter held a journal and books for another class I’m taking on Benedictine spirituality. There was a get-well card for a friend and a magazine on current events. Yes, my various interests could be inspirational—they inspire me.

“The unknown used to be really scary, just that fear of, ‘What’s next? What if I’m not prepared?’ I just don’t feel that way anymore. I feel like the best is yet to come.” – Mandy Moore

In my last blog post, I mentioned I’d be training for my second half-marathon. The night before the race, I was anxious. What if I hadn’t trained adequately? What if I wasn’t dressed for the weather and was too hot or too cold? I sat down to reread pep talks from last year’s training. The leader suggested we enjoy each mile, remember we had trained, and have fun. I put the race in God’s hands and asked for His help.

The race went well for me. The scenery was pretty, the weather was perfect, and there were many spectators. My two daughters, my sister, and my husband were there to cheer me on, which gave me a boost. I finished more than seven minutes faster than last year. Many people congratulated me, which added to my excitement.

Getting near the finish—that’s me in the white visor

I journaled about the race and the phrase “What if” popped up again. “What if I give into this current excitement and let myself feel passion for running?” “What if I train to do the Turkey Trot faster in November?” “What if I allow myself to become a better runner?”

There are many role models in my fun run club. What if I look for role models in other areas of my life? What if I remember to be a role model?

And what if I were to enjoy and feel excitement in other areas of my life—like writing?

Do your “What if” questions lead to worry and anxiety?Are there more positive “What if” questions you could ask yourself?

“You don’t need anyone else to empower you; you can empower yourself. Whether it’s a pep talk or putting on a good shade of lipstick, whatever you need to do, do it, but be yourself.” – Ayesha Curry

Last Saturday, I was running near a nature center midway through an 8-mile run. I had overcome resistance to get out running that day. Running eight miles by myself was a struggle, even though I was doing intervals of 5 minutes running, 1 minute walking. I tried giving myself a pep talk: “Only four more miles. I can do this.”

A man walking on the path said, “Where are you running? Are you training for a 3K? 5K?”

I said, “Actually, I’m training for a half-marathon.”

He answered, “Wow, you keep going! Keep running.”

This, for me, was a pep talk. The man did not need to encourage me, but he did. His words gave me the boost I needed to keep running. What about you? Do you need a pep talk? That is the intent of this post, to serve as a pep talk for you and me.

A pep talk can be more than words. During that run, a slim woman with a gray ponytail ran past in the other direction. She inspired me without saying a word, because I guessed she might be older than me, and she looked fit. Also at mile 7 of my run, the theme song from Rocky popped up in my MP-3 player. There was no way I’d take a walk break while that song was playing, and I played it twice. I’m a slow runner, but people said hello or waved, treating me with respect for being out there running. I also got a boost from seeing several deer at the end of my run.

When I recently went for a physical, I mentioned that I have knee pain, half-expecting my doctor to say, “Stop running!” Instead, she suggested I work to strengthen the muscles around my knee and said I have arthritis—which is normal at my age. I felt rejuvenated by her affirmation that running is good for me even with the discomfort, at least for now.

In one of my early blog posts, “Reaching for More”, I described how running one block was difficult. Running 8 miles is significant for me, but I have a friend who recently ran 22 miles . . . and then ran 10 miles the next day. But it’s all relative. It’s much better to encourage each other, rather than to beat on someone or be jealous. We’re not competing with anyone else. We’re competing with ourselves and how we were last year or even yesterday.

Many of us have been cooped up this winter, and even with Spring approaching we should avoid going places due to the Coronavirus Disease 2019 (COVID-19). But it’s my understanding that we can continue to go outside and walk or run, as long as we keep distance from others. How about going out and running a 5K? If that’s too much, walk a 5K. If that’s too much, walk a mile. If that’s too much, walk a block. If that’s too much, open your window and get some fresh air. Start with where you’re at.

Photo from https://libreshot.com/woman-walking-in-forest/

Of course I have struggles in life besides running. We all do. Currently I need a pep talk for dealing with the stressful news about the Coronavirus. As always, I encourage you to be proactive in taking care of yourself and those around you. This includes keeping your distance from people, especially from large groups. This site  has information from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. If you don’t yet understand the significance of this virus and the reason for social distancing, please do some research.

In this blog post, we are talking on a personal level about dealing with this worldwide pandemic.  For me, the worst of it is not knowing what will happen. It is scary to see what’s happening in other countries that have had the virus and how easily it spreads. For instance, hospitals in Italy cannot treat everyone who needs treatment, even patients with other diseases than the virus. There are only so many ventilators and hospital rooms to go around.

Life is different now for all of us. Shelves are empty in many aisles of our favorite stores. Schools, libraries, park districts, and fitness centers are closed. Large gatherings, including church services are canceled. I agree with this decision, but it’s the first time in my life that Mass has been canceled. It does not feel like normal life, and we are only at the beginning of this.

I’ve had anxiety about this and other issues, and I’ve been back in counseling. I don’t mind telling you this, because I hope it encourages someone else who feels anxious (for any reason) to get help.

So far, this discussion of the Coronavirus and its impact on us isn’t much of a pep talk, but we can’t pretend the problem doesn’t exist. What can we do? We here at Women Making Strides try to address challenges in a proactive manner.

In the United States and elsewhere, if we do well at keeping social distance, we can keep the virus from spinning beyond our ability to cope with it. Let’s notice and appreciate those who have prepared for various events, such as sporting events, which were canceled. People have set aside their passions for the common good.

We have more time at home now due to the Coronavirus. We can cope by listening to music, reading, and watching uplifting or funny shows. We can put together jigsaw puzzles while putting together the pieces of our lives. We can look for ways to help others.

We are fortunate to live in an electronic age, and we can gather online, even attending online church services. We can keep in touch with loved ones by phone, video calls such as Skype, or email. This is a good time to slow down and reflect on our lives and any changes we want to make. It’s a good time to pray for ourselves, our loved ones, and for strangers. We can talk to God and put our concerns in His hands.

Let’s get through this and look forward with hope for that time when our lives return to normal. And let’s be grateful for our “normal” lives when they return.

What encouragement have you received recently? How can you give yourself a pep talk to empower yourself? How can you be proactive in addressing the Coronavirus?